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It is customary to place a monument (matzeivah), on a grave, dedicating it in a brief ceremony, known as unveiling. This event usually takes place within a year after the death, however, it may take place at any time after the thirty-day period.
There are a variety of practices concerning inscriptions, though the tendency emphasizes simplicity. The english name of the deceased, and often their hebrew name, dates of birth and death, and certain hebrew letters are generally included. These letters are the initials of the words in the phrase tehei nishmato/nishmatah tzereurah bitzror ha-yahim. (Tuf, nun, tzadi, bet, hay)
ת׳ נ׳ צ ׳ב׳ ה ׳ , which means, "May his/her soul be bound up in the eternal bond of life." Another Hebrew text often included is the abbreviation Pe Nun, for “Here is buried.” Which reads,פ ׳ נ ׳. While the formal unveiling of a monument is of significance to the family and friends, Jewish tradition has not emphasized it as a basic ceremony. Care should be taken to avoid the extremes of either another funeral or a festive reunion, at the cemetery or at home. Often, a rabbi or cantor conducts a brief service at the gravesite. Families can offer their own service and recite appropriate prayers and psalms. These prayers are available under the Prayers & Meditation page on our website or through your synagogue’s office. Respect paid to the memory of the deceased is not confined to the site where the earthly remains are interred. But as the grave does symbolize a memorial for the deceased, it is an appropriate place for family and friends to gather in respect. The formal unveiling itself is a symbol, signifying that we open our hearts to the memory of the dead, to the meaning of their lives, to their influence upon us, and to appropriate ways of perpetuating their devotion. In older cemeteries, the Sephardim usually have horizontal stones, so that nobody is higher than anyone else in death.
Unveiling
A monument is erected at the grave any time after Shloshim (30 days). The unveiling ceremony usually occurs around the time of the first Yahrzeit. Before the ceremony, the headstone is covered with a white sheet. Either a rabbi or the family can recite psalms and say a few words about the deceased. Included are the reading of a few psalms, the chanting of El Molya Rachamim, and at the end of the ceremony the covering is removed and the Kaddish is recited. This service is typically short, and is usually attended by invitation only. It is not a requirement in Judaism, but has become a tradition in the United States.
Why do people place small stones on the monuments?
The origin of this goes back to Biblical times, when graves were often marked with a pile of stones. After some time, the elements made the stones disperse, and it was necessary for the piles to be built up again. Nowadays, we mark stones with a permanent marble or granite monument. By placing a pebble on the grave, the visitor is helping preserve the memory of the deceased. Just as the stone lasts forever, so too does the soul live forever. Another thought is that by placing pebbles on the grave, it shows that respects are still being paid, and that the deceased is still loved and remembered.
Common Jewish Symbols on Monuments
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